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May 25, 2006

Arcade Fire, Funeral.

So we need to discuss the Arcade Fire record, Funeral. I originally purchased it from the iTunes Music Store on the recommendation of webcartoonist Jeph Jacques (and by "recommendation" I mean he talked about it in the newspost and I figured, what the hell). I had an immediate and visceral reaction to the music when I began listening to the record.

I thought it was awful.

Yes, I could see the burgeoning roots of genius buried beneath entirely too much pretension. The raw, brutal guitar line at the beginning of "Wake Up" I thought was spoiled and defiled by the remainder of the song, the odd, low-rent instrumentation tacked on to it like an afterthought. I still think the guitar line is the greatest part of the entire record, but I grudgingly admit, the song is growing on me. I have yet to listen to the entire album over again--who needs a reminder they blew ten bucks on a crappy record?--but perhaps there is something in allowing it room to play. Or not.

But I will tell you this: I don't recommend buying the album, nor would I suggest even looking in its direction, unless you're already familiar with and appreciative of sloppy collectivized songs with meandering structures. Putting 13 people in a band sounds an awful lot like too many chefs in the kitchen. Perhaps it is simply my tastes, and the fact that my musical attentions lean toward the fast, the ragged, and the brutal (reference ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead's Source Tags and Codes).

So if you're curious about the band, let me end this capsule review with steer clear, unless you've already heard them and you already like them. Unfortunately for the Arcade Fire, you can extinguish the flames, but the reagents have already changed into something else entirely.

Absence + testing.

Tomorrow I'm heading home to Nashville over the weekend for Memorial Day, and hopefully there won't be the conflict I'm sure will crop up. Anyhow, I've attempted to set up a custom cron job for scheduled posting, and presumably I've done it correctly this time. (On the fourth try.) Unix shell commands and the nano text editor + total inexperience = occasional failures.

In any case, enjoy your weekends.

Haircut.

So, given that I am returning to the fold for Memorial Day, and bearing in mind the voicemail I had about a cousin who mentioned she didn't recognize me given how long my hair is, I went and got a haircut today. I decided I'd get it cut short enough to really accentuate my positive features and I think the end result is quite fetching.

Now to go to see my family tomorrow and inevitably have them express their satisfaction at seeing me after so long an absence.

May 24, 2006

Quantum uncertainties.

Originally posted to Mountains of Kaf, 12 December 2005.

Let me give a little background about Wikipedia before I launch into, essentially, an extended metaphor comparing the website to a system following the rules of chemistry and thermodynamics.

In December of 2005, John Seigenthaler, Sr., a respected journalist (and partial founder of The Tennessean newspaper, which I used to read as I'm originally from Tennessee), found a biographical page on Wikipedia dedicated to him. One of the points argued was that Mr. Seigenthaler might have been responsible for the assassination of Robert Kennedy (whom Sirhan Sirhan assassinated in '69). This made Mr. Seigenthaler upset, not just for the implication that he was a primary mover in a tinfoil-hat conspiracy, but also because he had been a very close friend of Mr. Kennedy, and, in fact, one of his pallbearers. He challenged the open-source "encyclopedia" publicly, denouncing its self-positioning as a reference tool, and argued for contributors' accountability.

Depending on your particular information resource on the Internet, this was met with a number of responses. From staunch Wikipedia contributors or supporters, there was a blame the victim approach—"If Mr. Seigenthaler wanted his entry to be accurate, he should have maintained the page himself." From the mainstream public, there was one of confusion—"What's a 'Wikipedia'?" From the Wikipedia founder, Jimmy Wales, there was one of grudging but essentially unhelpful response—"We no longer allow anonymous individuals to create new pages. They can still edit them anonymously, though." And from the mass of glib nerd-elitists at Slashdot, there was mostly one of smug superiority—"Well, of course Wikipedia's inaccurate. Why wasn't Seigenthaler using a real reference?"

Then, in the week of 12 December 2005, we learn that the man who changed Mr. Seiganthaler's entry did so as a joke. He claimed ignorance of Wikipedia's solemnity, and denied that he knew anyone would ever use the site as a serious reference tool. Wikipedia is now changing their user policy to mitigate the PR damage done by this debacle.

I started doing some thinking.

Why is it that Wikipedia's current content model is inadequate? Can the hacks who rely on aphorisms and stupid sayings be correct? I say that the nature of Wikipedia is dynamic equilibrium, and it is in this mode that the open-source "encyclopedia" presents a startling opportunity as well as a staggering miscalculation.

Dynamic equilibrium is a term used in the physical sciences to describe a system in motion, so long as that motion produces no net change in the contents of the system. For example, aqueous ammonia. If you place ammonia in water, there is a constant reaction occurring (powered simply by the energy of the molecules themselves) that converts ammonia (NH4) to (H30 + NH3). As just mentioned, the reaction is not particularly energetic, and so the energy of collision is enough to create the H30 + NH3, and the unstable nature of H30 allows for decay into H20 and H+ (and because of the nature of negatively-charged NH3, the positively-charged free hydrogen ion is immediately snapped up). We are then left with NH4 and H20 again. So the cycle repeats.

This is useful for us because we are using the entirety of the aqueous ammonia solution to perform our purposes—that is, we are utilizing the ammonia on the macro level instead of on the molecular level. Thus, a dynamic equilibrium of solution is perfectly capable of meeting our needs.

With Wikipedia, there is a similar regard toward dynamic equilibrium, given an article's popularity and an invested user base. If there are enough people who care about an article, and who have it tracked in the software, then when someone vandalizes or makes an article unintentionally inaccurate, then it will be corrected. Given a long enough timeframe, the article will be a finely-honed resource of accurate information protected from further defacement.

The only problem is that no single human being on the face of the earth interacts with anything on the Internet at the macro level. It's simply not useful. Instead, all our interactions with Wikipedia are granular, molecular, transactional. Thus we reap no benefit from the dynamic equilibrium model of content protection, because we are not involved in the process over a long timeframe. Instead, we need reliable results at any random moment for any given transaction. Dynamic equilibrium simply cannot do this, because the particles involved still behave randomly (and to remove random behavior is to kill the dynamism). When you access a page, you are essentially taking a shot in the dark as to whether or not those materials are accurate. You cannot guarantee, and neither can Jimmy Wales, the founder of Wikipedia, what state that page will be in. To return to chemistry, it is like attempting to track any single NH4 molecule through solution and expecting it to remain NH4 at every point along the way.

This is the problem with Wikipedia. Its accuracy can only be guaranteed in the eventuality of several transaction cycles. And since any single page view is the product of only one transaction, this means that unless the open-source website makes radical revisions to its content model, it should simply stop calling itself an "encyclopedia."

"What's the big deal?" you may ask. Why should we be concerned about its content model or its name? Isn't it just a website? Besides, they put up disclaimers about accuracy and reliability.

That is exactly my point. The problem is, you can't have it both ways. Either Wikipedia is an encyclopedia, with all the requirements and strictures about accuracy and liability, or it's simply a community-driven series of webpages. Of course, the latter sounds much less impressive than claiming one is "an open-source encyclopedia." But Jimmy Wales and the rest of them cannot trade on the semiotics of encyclopedias and reference materials while obsequiously and self-righteously denying the very attributes that make encyclopedias and references worthwhile.

It is a situation very similar to that of licensing medical professionals. There is a certain cachet associated with a medical degree, with being a doctor. There are also matters of responsibility that attach to those positions. So society licenses doctors to prevent abuse of the term by those who would redirect our goodwill and the social necessity of doctors for personal gain. Can you be medically knowledgeable without having a medical license? Yes. Are you allowed to call yourself a doctor? No.

Wikipedia should either drastically reformulate its content model to ensure transactional integrity and accuracy, or it should stop calling itself an encyclopedia.

May 21, 2006

The redness.

In February of this year, I began experiencing extreme pain in my jaw, as well as difficulties opening and closing it. It started slow, and I originally thought it was an ear infection. After flying home to Tennessee and back, I realized in the airport that I was randomly losing my hearing in my left ear--only to have it phase back in after ten or fifteen minutes. I was worried.

I went to a dentist, an otolaryngologist, a GP, and finally an oral surgeon, who diagnosed me with TMJ. The prescription? No solid food for a month and a half, no chewing at all, 400mg of ibuprofen every eight hours, and when I really needed it, some heavier pain medications.

All of that is tangentially related to what we're here to discuss tonight, though: Communism.

It was close to midnight around a Sunday night, and the pain in my face had me awake. With lortab in my system, I climbed onto the internet and decided to see what was available in terms of medium format photography. I was especially interested with the upcoming wedding of two friends of mine, whose wedding I was commissioned to photograph.

A bit of a digression: The resolution of photographic film is astounding, but for enlargements there is a ceiling to all work, meaning there is a horizon beyond which you lose sharpness in a photograph. For 35mm film it's around 11x14, which is really the largest you'd ever want to make those prints, and even then it might get a little fuzzy. Medium format, as the negative is larger, allows you to enlarge the print even further before you hit that critical horizon.

I checked out B&H Photo, a supply house in New York, to see what kinds of medium format cameras they had. They were expensive, prohibitively so, and their least expensive TLR was produced by Seagull. The Seagull TLRs are substandard, with poor optics and a crappy build quality. I wanted something a little more substantial.

So I checked out eBay, where I found it. A Lubitel 166, cast from a magnesium alloy, produced in the Soveit Union's LOMO Leningrad Optiks facility back in the 1960s. Good condition, still worked, and the best part of it all: It was only $25. With eighteen dollars in shipping from the Ukraine, I figured I couldn't lose--even if the camera never showed, I'd have a fantastic story out of it all.

When I'd discovered the auction, it had twenty minutes left until expiration. I watched it like a drugged hawk, refreshing the browser every few moments, as the warmth of the narcotics swept over me and cast a halo onto my monitor. The auction closed; I'd won my camera. For payment, I had to send my money to an importing company located in California, because apparently eBay's processor, the infamous PayPal, does not deal with the Ukraine.

At all.

After a month, and some eighteen postage stamps later, the camera was in my hands, with its original leather case and carrying strap. I checked out the lenses, the shutter, the aperture levers. It's fully automatic, so you have to cock the shutter before taking a photograph. It was in my hands, and it felt, well, old. Someone in the Soviet Union had used this before me, made images of some other time, and here it was, in my fingers.

When I got the first roll of film developed, I called the processors and, if I remember correctly, asked them, "Is there anything on the roll?" "Oh yes, there's something on it," they told me. What they hadn't said was whether there was or anything recognizable on the film. But my faith in the Ukrainian postal system was well-founded, and if you'd like to see the work I've produced with the "Glorious People's Camera," just check out my work over on Flickr.

So remember, kids at home. If it's a little white pill with a slash, swallow it and go buy stuff.

Postsurgical update.

It's the second day after my wisdom tooth surgery (extracted Friday morning) and my jaw is stiff and sore. It's become increasingly difficult to open my jaw wider without a hard cracking pain in the side of my face, which is somewhat disconcerting, but considering I can feel the stitches in the corner of my mouth, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if it was simply sore because of the incisions.

Tomorrow is another day at work, so I'll have to try and time my commutes to match the 30-minute window of opportunity between the horrifying agony of the jaw pain and the spaced incoherence of the pain medication. Lunch break should be fun.

May 20, 2006

"Misspelled Epitaphs," part two.

During one week of April, I had to drive to and from South Austin to deliver items for our marketing company. One of the things I'm learning about this town is the large number of homeless individuals who have no other option besides begging on the side of the interstate. This particular day I had to make two trips to the company, spaced about an hour apart.

The first trip was uneventful. In the midst of the second, as I pull of I-35, I see a homeless man sitting canted on the guardrail ahead of me. He has a long beard, tattered clothes, shoes that at some point in the faroff past were white. He held a cardboard sign, and it read:

SO HUNGRY. COULD YOU SPARE A DIME?

The obliteration of the self struck me about his words. There is no "I" here, no "me," just the hunger--that is all that is left. I sat in traffic and felt my guts knot. I rolled down my window and held my hand out, and he sat a little closer on the guardrail. When the light turned green, I stopped by him and handed him five dollars. It was all the money I had in my wallet.

He pressed his dirty hands against mine and took my money. "God bless you, brother," he said, his face cracking into a toothless smile. "God bless you--"

I rolled a foot forward. If anyone behind me honked impatiently I was going to kill them.

"--and have a good day," he said, his eyes squinting. The sincerity in his voice, the fervor, the ebullience nearly destroyed me. I drove to the marketing company and thought to myself how horrible it is that one man could find five dollars so significant. I thought to myself how horrible it was I did not have more money to spare. I drove to the marketing company with my fists clenched and my eyes watering.

Five dollars and his face lit like a child's.

I should have given him more.

I've never seen him again.

May 19, 2006

Stoned.

So my wisdom tooth surgery seems to have gone off without a hitch, and though it'll be hard to tell if my problems were erupting tooth related or primarily TMJ disorder related. My brother came over from Tennessee to take care of me, and it's been good to hang out with him in the meanwhile--even if I've been laid up or in an altered state for a bit. In any case, I recently got a visit from victor and am now busiedly scribbling a price list/estimate template for a pair of potential photography commissions.

For my first surgical experience, it hasn't been too bad. Now to make sure "not too bad" is maintained.

Wisdom.

At this moment, I am in the oral surgeon's office, sucking down nitrous and hopefully drifting off into the neon wonderland of bursett (an amnesiac that, during a prior procedure, sent me off into hallucinations of midgets and murderous leprechauns). Something tells me I'll be out of commission for most of today, so I figured I'd test the scheduling capacity of Movable Type and put up this wonderful explanatory message.

Here's to hoping that removing one impacted, decaying, erupting wisdom tooth and one nonfunctioning but non-impacted wisdom tooth will fix the TMJ problems I've had since February. I'll post an update to the site once I've regained the ability to put more than two words together.

May 18, 2006

"Misspelled Epitaphs," part one.

"Misspelled Epitaphs" is the name of a writing project I haven't attended to in quite a long time. It is mostly a series of essays and short observations about the tragedies and sadness of everyday life, as a reminder that our experience is fragile. One of the major themes I find in my artwork I refer to by my own neologism--"the everyday catastrophic"--and this is the first of the series. To be continued when I encounter something that fits.

After work I went to McDonald's. Two attorneys sat a few tables away, one on the phone, the other leafing through a three-ring binder. Three rows of empty chairs behind me, two men, old and grizzled and aching, sitting stiffly and moving more so, talked about friends and who was left and the war. The lawyer on the phone barks to her secretary. "I forgot, he's on vacation, send him an email. He'll get it anyway." She keeps talking to the man with the binder.

The two old men started talking. Their English mangled, grammar worse, clothes terrible. Spattered with paint and grime running in streaks down frayed pant legs. I don't look straight at him. I can hear him too well. "Where are you going on vacation?" the first one asks. "I don't know. Maybe take the kids somewhere," the second replies.

The female attorney laughs. "What are you going to do with this settlement?" she asks. The other attorney shrugs.

The old men are quiet.

"Been thinking about heading down to Bermuda or someplace warm," he says. "Get a boat, sail it down there. I don't really have the time for it all. Pool, maybe. That would be nice in summer."

The first old man looks to the second. "How's the boat?" he asks, his voice wavering just a little. "Boat's fine," the second says. "Gonna take the kids down on it to Florida. It'll be warm."

Requiem.

Alas, the old photo printer I'd been using, an HP Photosmart 7550, gave up the ghost yesterday in the midst of printing out wallet sizes for the commission I mentioned below. Armed with a fairly broad working knowledge of who's producing the best consumer imaging products, I went out to Best Buy and CompUSA to pick up a new photo printer.

(The joy of having disposable income.)

I vacillated between two Epsons, the R220 and the R340 (PDF warning for both links), but finally decided on the R340. If I had the inclination and the income, I would have sprung for the R800 or one of the UltraChrome enabled printers, but I am satisfied with the purchase I made. It prints borderless up to 8x14, and even on the surface of inkjet-capable CD-Rs, which might come in handy for the mix CD album cover I need to design.

Though I have no illusions as to the nature of inanimate material, I always try to treat my property with respect--I've always anthropomorphized my belongings, ever since I was little. The HP served me well, for several years, and I'm sad that it's finally done. But hopefully the Epson will serve me just as well, for just as long, or longer.

Word of the day.

"Symbology," as no doubt people will be saying after The Da Vinci Code appears in theaters on Friday, is not an academic discipline. No one studies it. As far as the academic community is concerned, "symbology" is not a word. "Symbolism" is, and it describes the use of symbols as representation or allegory. To study symbols is not "symbology."

The study of symbols and symbol systems is semiotics. I know I promised a friend in Google Chat to post about other topics, but, what the hell, this is also about movies and popular culture.

So. Now that we're clear, please go about your business.

May 17, 2006

Commissions.

I've finished the second photographic commission I've ever undertaken, this one the graduation photographs of a coworker's daughter. I rarely pursure portraiture--I don't like the staged artificiality of most portraits I've seen, and it's simply more my nature to coax the personality out of a place or moment than to attempt to draw that mood out of a human being. There are too many cultural imperatives to act or perform in front of a camera, and it's ultimately quite disappointing to attempt a portrait that cuts through the subject's impulse to hide, to withdraw.

I'm not entirely sure I hit a genuine note with the photographs I took that weekend, but for graduation pieces they seem to work pretty well. I got the thumbs-up from the subject, which is always good, and from her mother (who pays the bills), and that's even better. What's more is the interest this job has generated among my other coworkers. I've already received three requests for estimates and price lists.

Perhaps this "side business" thing really will take off.

May 14, 2006

The pitfalls of originality.

Design Observer has an article up by Michael Bierut about the idea of plagiarism and originality as it pertains to design. He references the recent plagiarism scandal with teen author Kaavya Viswanathan (for those as initially uinformed as I, it appears Ms. Viswanathan lifted several passages from author Megan McCafferty's two novels and made small changes to the lifted text "so as to make it less googleable"--quote from Werner Sollors). Bierut begins with Ms. Viswanathan and then makes the impressive claim that he himself is a plagiarist, as one of his most recent design projects is similar in content to another project produced earlier but that he was still aware of.

The tone of the conversation in Observer's comments falls along one major ley line: the "There is no such thing as originality" school, and the "Your use of 'plagiarism' is based on a fundamental misunderstanding" school. What is there to say about Mr. Bierut, and is there anything to learn about the nature of the human experience as a larger entity?

The answer to those questions is long and probably pedantic, but as you've already clicked on the jump, I'm comfortable submitting you to both length and pedantry. First, to say something about Mr. Bierut's article in question: Its major premise is flawed.

What he submits as plagiarism is not, in fact, plagiarized. Yes, it is influenced, and he readily admits it as such. But the differences are substantive enough, and further, there is no intent to steal here. The basic crime of plagiarism is not being influenced, nor producing a sub-par copy (which most plagiarism leads to), it is appropriating someone else's work as your own. For Mr. Bierut to have plagiarized the poster in question, he would need to claim that original poster as his own. Similarly, Ms. Viswanathan's novel as an entire work is not plagiarized. She plagiarized passages of an earlier work that appear throughout her novel. Before you argue the unimportance of semantics let me point out the irony of that argument in a discussion about communication, design, and literature.

Moving on. Some of the commenters in the Observer fall on the same first-year philosophy class mistakes that we hear all too often regurgitated by solipsists and others who have had enough philosophy to get themselves in trouble, and not enough to realize it. That is, they argue that all thoughts have been experienced, and thus nothing is original. While a cute trope, it is both nonfalsifiable and nonverifiable, leaving us with a theory that has no content and yet submits that all other theories have no content, either.

There have been countless numbers of thoughts before we are born, and there will be countless numbers of thoughts after we pass by and burn to dust in the heart of a star. Does that mean that no matter what thought we have, someone else will have had that same thought?

No. It doesn't.

The stream of variables that produce the "I" that you believe is yourself is both innumerable and unique. Even if you firmly believe that only experience produces your particular consciousness, you must then recognize that you are constantly reevaluating and renegotiating the past in terms of your current experience. If this was not the case, we could never recognize the fundamental premise of the entire mystery/thriller genre (meaning, if your view of the past never changed, the "plot twist" would appear nonsensical on its face). Every experience you assimilate has an effect on the prior experiences you have assimilated, and so your memories of the past are always in flux. There is no absolute when it comes to the human mind.

Similarly, there has never been anyone who has had exactly the same stream of experience that you are currently in the midst of. Even identical twins wind up different after living their lives, which further asserts the primacy of the "unique" consciousness. So the mind that produces conscious thought is, one the whole, almost singularly yours.

The other half of the argument relates to the unconscious mind. It is, of course, unconscious, which relegates that same "I" mentioned above to a position of reactor. You cannot alter the content of the unconscious mind, and you are unaware of that content at the same time. Does that mean that you are simply at the beck and call of the unconscious? Have you been assimilating experiences without recognizing it, and thus mindlessly recreating those same influences while supposedly "creating"?

The beauty of that question is that you will never truly know a definitive answer. But the unique nature of the "I" suggests that even were you to be producing while influenced by the unconscious, and thus not wholly in control of your own creative power, the odds are fairly slim that the thoughts you produce will not be original. Even the archetypes we rely upon are reinterpreted and re-presented in original ways, even now. See the entirety of Quentin Tarantino's corpus of work for more on the juxtaposition and recreation of influence into wholly new narratives.

Unless, of course, none of this is original, and you've already thought it all before.

May 03, 2006

Old photographs.

Ars Technica had a newspost a ways back about the traditional film manufacturers falling on hard times. While somewhat true, film isn't in any danger of disappearing--there are far too many artists, prepress operations, X-ray machines, and consumers in general who purchase film for the medium to truly disappear. Further, the arguments on the forums moved between those arguing that digital is a much better medium than film and vice versa. What I would like to comment upon is a point that lends more credence to the idea of film as a signifying medium over digital.

One of the primary draws of digital photography is the idea that the digital source file will last forever. A digital copy is after all a stream of numbers; the numbers do not change, and barring a catastrophic data loss, those numbers will never age, corrode, bend, or yellow.

It is this factor that is digital's greatest detriment.

In fact, it is an error to suggest digital source files never change. The streams of numbers perhaps are constant, but the processing method itself is open to revision. Apple Computer's own Aperture software processes RAW files through calls to an API (application programming interface) called CoreImage, and CoreImage is a primary component of Apple's operating system. Thus, as the operating system changes, so does CoreImage, and the way your RAW files are processed changes, as well. It is the colorspace that is shifting around you.Film does not suffer from this particular movement. As an "analog" medium, the way our brains process light does not change in as significant a fashion as the recreation of the colorspace represented by changing the CoreImage API.

That is not to suggest that film's colorspace never changes; far from it, in fact. Whereas the digital file will change colorspace, the medium the photograph is printed upon will physically deteriorate. Anyone who's seen old Daguerreotypes, or even forty-year-old silver halide prints, can recognize the damage that time wreaks on a photograph. The aforementioned yellowing, bending, cracking, fading, streaking, folding--all these will happen naturally, without user action. Combine this with the recognition that it is fundamentally easier to alter a negative than a digital source file (say, by leaving them within reach of children), and film begins to look more fragile than its modern cousin.

However, the ways in which film ages adds semiotic content to the photograph. That is to say, when a photograph ages, it does so in ways that add value and unspoken meaning to the photograph itself. Old photographs are valuable only partially because of their semantic content--the actual subject of the photograph--and the remainder of that value and meaning is presented by the way in which the photograph has aged. Far from being a detrimental process, the aging of a film print is something that creates another layer of signification on top of that the photographer originally intended.

One can, of course, argue that printed digital files will experience the same process. And of course they will. But we're no longer talking about digital files, when one is pointing to an analog print. That's back into the realm of film, and rather than being a rebuttal, is a point in film's favor. (Whether this argument is, in fact, a tenuous straw man is left to the reader to decide.)

Rather, when digital files "age," when their rendering APIs are rewritten and you find your colorspace altered, has it added semiotic content to the photograph you originally took? I submit that it does not. Instead of adding a layer of signification onto the original work of art, instead the aging digital file has interfered with the production of that work. You have added a layer of noise when the signal itself is too precious to compromise.

This is possibly a long-winded way of saying that I will give up my 35mm camera, and my Soviet TLR, only in my last will and testament.

Modes of authenticity.

Originally posted on Mountains of Kaf, Saturday, April 16, 2006.

I have missed the bandwagon, but there was quite a dust-up a ways back over whether "bad design was truly good," that is, sites with poor or unprofessional design had stumbled on a key ingredient to success. Microsoft's resident PR blogger Robert Scoble landed in this camp, suggesting that such "anti-marketing" was inherently more attractive to individuals who live in a world constantly bespattered with messages and carefully considered brand experiences.

On the other hand were the designers, and, though I don't want to politicize the debate, the pragmatists. It's a natural extension of Occam's Razor to say instead of the above, not that Craigslist, Scobleizer, plentyoffish.com worked because of poor design, but in spite of it. That is, the sites with poor designs nevertheless offered some functionality that surpassed their competitors, such that their success was inevitable, a foregone conclusion of a mechanistic marketplace.

Whether either path is true, we'll never particularly know, but the general history of mankind seems to lend credence to the pragmatist stance. If "authenticity" is your yardstick, you honestly can't be any more authentic than the cave paintings and stark survival of early hominids. Yet our social interactions and technological advances grew ever more complex. Design serves a purpose, else it would have been excised much, much earlier than the Internet.

(This is merely an aside, but I wish to reiterate how tiring it is to witness social phenomena on the Internet hailed as revolutionary. You gather masses of people in one area, and, strangely enough, they act like masses of people. These communities are not truly new, merely accelerated, but it's easy to confuse velocity with novelty. There's an E. coli joke to be made there, but I'll be damned if I can think of it tonight.)

The heart of this post is akin to the discussion on stylegala about "thornament." Is there really any mode of communication any more authentic than any other? I suggest that there is not. Modalities are narratives. Religion, government, these are narrative constructions of our social experience. They gather and give meaning to passing time, they construct reasons for us to act and be acted upon. Is any one narrative any more "authentic" than any other? Is any one style of graphic communication more "authentic"? No. It's a culturally relative property. What constitutes real or genuine to a fisherman on the banks of the Yalu River in China will not translate as similarly genuine to a teenager in London or a stockbroker in New York.

What creates the illusion of "authenticity" is the degree to which the viewer is already steeped in that mode of transmission. Sculpted by the methods of communication you see every day, you lose sight of the narrative framework that constructs your existence. It seems real to you because it is real. It is the expression you find most consistent with your historical experience and with your current communication. Take any self-identified group--to temporarily indulge in crass pop taxonomy--Goths, skatepunks, jocks, nerds, geeks--and their internal modes of expression will not seem constructed to those in the group. How can it be? It is the mode they have chosen to construct themselves with, and insofar as self-construction is largely an opaque or subconscious process, the methods by which one self-constructs are also opaque.

The methods of self-construction are not those that lead children to view their peers and desire something as cool. It is the means by which you even begin to understand the notion of "cool." It is a term as oddly pervasive as to be near wholly linguistic. You know what cool is. Can you explain to someone what cool is?

Would they already know?

Especially in group identities that are defined in opposition to others, the methods of constructing your own mode of expression, your own authenticity, is often described as "the right way" or "the truth," clouded amongst the deceptions offered by a hostile Other. The neo-Nazi groups that incorporate angry young men into their fold preach just such an ideology; groups of disconcerted, unpopular intellectuals in high school do, as well. (How quaint a trope is it, that the "nerds" talk to themselves of how the popular kids just don't get things? How universal a turn of phrase it is that others "don't get" our work, our hobby, us, anything.) The bourgeouis argued similarly against the upperclass, the federalists against the royalists; it is an inherent facility of the mind to categorize things as Us and Them.

You can easily dissect and differentiate the ideology of Them, see how Them is built. You have built Them so you can build Us against it, but you cannot see how you have constructed Us. In fact the opposite is generally considered to be true. "Traditional" American values are just that--"traditional." To deviate from tradition is wrong, has always been wrong, because tradition is "how it's always been done." It's "what we were always taught." Yet one never considers the authenticity of one's own modes of expression, because one is not conscious of those modes. They simply are the ways in which you address yourself through language, so there is no real way to view the narrative framework in which you have yourself been suspended.

Is that to suggest knowing the self, knowing the narrative of one's self-construction is necessarily impossible? No. (Though it is a common misconception that deconstruction suggests all things are indefinable, this is, nevertheless, a misconception.) One must first learn the ways in which symbols create meaning, in which meaning creates narrative, and then one can study the ways in which others construct themselves. An awareness of narrative is a prerequisite to reading the creation of authenticity, and I'd venture that anyone who has slogged through this post with me is more than ready to contemplate the narratives of their own self-construction.

You stand in front of your own self-identification, a perfectly clear pane of glass. With no other frame of reference than your own position, you would never bother to question if the glass existed. But once you glimpse someone else, standing in front of a pane, you wonder if you might look similar.

I don't have the energy to consider it, but a parting thought is this: the anthropologist, in cataloguing the relationships and existence of cultures, could be seen to be grasping at the definition of his own self. I will never define myself fully, he says, for I am myself, and I am always redefining; but if I define all others, I will know who I am not, and finally learn who I am.

"Untitled #8"

Originally posted on Mountains of Kaf, Sunday, February 26, 2006.

I write this in the ringing silence between my ears, the memory of rising house lights still flush in my mind, satisfied and yet not sated. When you have experienced something so rousing, so beautiful that no matter how it ends, it will never have been enough, that is the space inside me at this moment.

I have just seen Sigur Ros.

The brilliant alien music comes from some shining otherworld, and the pealing distortion is the only echo of some unknown geometry. Their first album, Agaetis Byrjun, was the first foray into the ethereal. Their otherwise untitled album, ( ), could only have come from Iceland--the furor and the glacial movements, the minimalist sweeping vistas and the cataclysmic eruptions are wholly a product of their homeland. Takk... occurred as if the band had discovered these things called "songs," and what conventional song structures became was reflective of the curvature of their individuality, recognizable and yet novel.

Their stage presence is magnetic, towering and fragile, as opaque and internal as their music. It begins with a curtain lowered over the stage, and the silhouettes of the backlit band projected onto it, warring for primacy with fragments of video and harshly stylized photographs shown onto it. It is a screen and a projection, and its nonnarrative display allows for a moving interpretation of the visuals (much as they welcome the singular response to their music). At the halfway point the curtain lifts, and the band members are carved out of the darkness with spotlights. Pulsing strobes play when each instrument hits its peak and pushes beyond, into feedback and squeals. The final song of the set, the evocatively-named "Heysatan" (haystacks in English), finds the boys contracting into one single spot, playing their instruments, all other help dismissed, existing in their own world, and the song ends quietly, serenely, with a wave and a thank-you murmured in chirping Icelandic.

The crowd erupts in applause, cheering and waving; people stand at their seats to stretch tired legs. I sit still. I refuse to believe it is over. I want to hear one song, I need it, its propulsive rhythms and its explosive climax. It is the closest to religion I have ever come. I will not leave without hearing it. It is "Untitled #8," a song that begins with a haunted yawning guitar and a glance across the icefields. It ebbs and it flows, the tide rises, and that guitar bobs on the current of a wavering bassline and a steady drumbeat. A beat that gets faster. A beat that heralds the coming apocalypse. A beat that explodes into static and feedback.

It is the beat that I need, it is the explosion I crave. The emptiness that has dogged me these past four months has been beaten back but not defeated. I need this song. I need to feel something inside me, need to feel the building emotion, need the rush, I need the release that forces me to move. I will not leave this seat until I hear this song.

The house lights come up. The stage is empty, with instruments strewn on it half-forgotten. People shift around me. I am clearly in the way.

The lights set at the back of the stage bleed a sudden, vivid red, and they skew toward us. The house lights black out and the screen comes down. The crowd--momentarily accepting of their half-finished spectacle--hushes with an apprehensive breath.

We all hold that one breath, stretched tight in the air around us. To break the silence will break the spell and we all need this last moment. The screen flashes redly and behind it appear the shadows of the band. Picking up the guitar and his bow, Jonsi plucks the winding notes that signal the beginning of the end.

It is "Untitled #8."

The crowd releases its singular breath to scream with one mouth and the tension floods the emptiness. I am a string stretched taut, I am the drumhead pounding, I am the voice driven hard to strain at the edges of the note. We are swept into the wavering song and the drumbeat starts to sound faster.

This is what I need--

--the beat, so primal, rushes headlong, and the tension reaches its breaking point--

--and we are pushed farther, pushed into oblivion, the crowd does not exist and my body cannot take this, I must move--

--and the explosion arrives, the storm breaks, I stand and fling my arms to the sky and call the lightning upon myself. The song is stretching me and I am letting it; the song is breathing me and I empty myself for it. I gather it up inside me and let the sweeping grandeur of this beautiful destruction fill my frailties with static crashing cymbals and the pealing oh the pealing of his guitar. They play as hard as they can their bodies bent and as the song collapses into one sputtering breath the last air in his lungs slipping out at the end of a wail Jonsi falls to his knees and the guitar drops. The screen has flashed static and video clips and fragments of oil lantern flames, and now all that stands large is Jonsi's shadow, his slight form bent.

The lights on stage disappear and we are left with the echoes of the feedback and the whistling distortion. The house lights come up and I stand; I walk; I leave.

Battered, bruised, hollow, I recede into the moonless night and let the headlights lead me home, the whispers of the song dying behind me, like the embers of the lit cigarette flickering on the sidewalk.

It was beautifully fragile; it was thunderingly strong; it was the beginning of the end.

It was "Untitled #8."

Welcome!

Welcome to my new internet home. It's high time I got into this whole hosting thing, and this will give me an opportunity to test out Movable Type and all that jazz. So rest assured, the template will change, if you give me some time to learn and tweak.

In case you're trying to hunt down where I've been prior to this point,I've been one of two contributors to another blog, Mountains of Kaf, and if you're looking for my entries on that site, my nom de plume is Djinn. However, venturing onto the web and forsaking anonymity, I'll be Aden on this site, and most likely writing under the moniker "the Brightside" on Kaf from now on. That particular name is the one I post most frequently under on other sites, like Stylegala or Jason Santa Maria's page. It was first used as my Flickr name, and those photographs are still there.

Now that I've gotten the shameless self-linkage out of the way, I'll try and beef up this page with some of my more recent and (hopefully) more thoughtful posts from Kaf and other places.

About ES

I'm the Brightside and this is my weblog about art, postmodernity, semiotics, photography, music, and culture.

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